I am madly in love with my husband and children. The family we have built means everything to me. And even to myself, it seems crazy that I can love anyone or anything more than I love them. How can you love someone more than the child you carried in life and carried in death? My answer is simple – I need to. God gave us a shortcut to understanding the depth of our need for him when he gave us Bethie. We need God in our lives like we need air. We don’t always realize it, but we cannot survive without him. And when the climb becomes steep we cling to him as if we were clinging to every last breath in our bodies. And our climb is very steep at times. In my moments of true despair, of missing her with every part of my soul, I hold onto God with everything I have. He will bring me to her again. Because of him, she is not truly gone from me; she is waiting. And then breathing becomes easier.
We are here; we need to continue living. We have a child on earth to love too, and we cannot give everything to missing Bethie. Even if we could, it would not be honoring her in the way we have been called to.
Because in the end, this is not a story about struggle; this is not a story about suffering; this is not a story about the trials and hardships of life. Those are all elements of our story, but truly, this is a story about love. This is a story about the life our Bethie led and the life we still lead – a life full of love. This is the story of a tiny girl who still calls us all closer to God – a baby who was born for heaven, but lovingly spent time here with us first. And now she rests where she always belonged.