We have held everything in our arms, and we have known that it was perfect.
I want to yell it. I want to write it out and pass it to every single person I meet on the street. I want everyone in the world to know that one day we all listened to Daniel Tiger songs on repeat while dancing in the kitchen, each of us with a baby in our arms, twirling around, doing nothing all weekend, feeling like we were the luckiest people ever to walk this earth. And one day we played in her bedroom. We opened all the windows and filled her pink room with sun. Freddie bounced like a wild man in her crib, throwing playfood all over the floor while she watched, surrounded by toys and smiling. And I laid on the floor watching them both, calling Brian to tell him what a great day it was. I want the world to know our life and how perfect it was. How we were a family of four, and we were filled with joy.
And now I am left here thinking, “I don’t know why he decided to choose us. Thank you.” I remain thankful. That could be all I write forever and I would feel that it is enough. I am so thankful.
It might seem to others that sorrow, grief, and longing would take up most of our hearts now. It is not the case. All we wanted for Bethie’s life was love and comfort, closeness and care. And living our lives without these elements now would be a betrayal of what we chose when we were a family of four here on earth. There is no going back. Our hearts are new. Our focus cannot return to past concerns. It is the beauty of what God gave to us when he allowed us to have time with her here. He changed us forever for the better. When what you’re told will never happen, happens, something changes in your heart. Instead of looking back on time passed and realizing it was the best time of your life, you understand it in that exact moment. We loved those days enough to last us forever, and we will continue loving every day we are given.
I truly believe that thanking God for the gift of Bethie is what will get us through the most sorrowful times. She could have been given to anyone and he trusted us to love her. He believed in us. He loved us. We cannot refuse this love, and I believe the best way to honor it is by saying thank you and continuing to walk a path of love.